How to be ok with going on lots of first dates

So I had my first date off of match.com last week... and it was fine. We had a nice lunch, he called me two days later, very standard sort of thing.

He looked like his pictures, he was polite and it was fine... that's all fine.

But I don't think that just fine is good enough. And that's what I think a first date should tell you, this person should be better than fine. I should feel that if I give up more of my time, which is hard to come by, it should be great, it should be fun, it should at least be very nice. But not just fine.

I'm emailing someone I think might be great. We've just had a 20 minute phone conversation segueing into seeing each other after the holidays and the promise of another phone call... and I'm actually looking forward to it. That's what dating someone should be about, not just seeing someone because you had a fine time, and what the heck why not.

I'm tired of what the heck why not. And that's why I don't go on a lot of second dates. And that's why I am going to be ok with not going on second dates, and giving fine gentlemen an polite thanks, but no thanks.

More first dates to come..........

How to not worry about what other people think

Today is my only day off this week... and by day off I mean I have about 5 hours to kill in between appointments and meetings, so I am spending it in a coffee shop on my laptop procrastinating.

I could be getting a lot of work done.

What am I doing? Checking my email, and surfing match.com. It's a little sad. None the less.

I've realized that I am a little apprehensive about the people around me judging what websites I'm searching. I don't know why. What do I care if the NYU student next to me is watching me search an online dating sight?

While my closest friends think that this whole match.com thing, and search for the perfect man is a cute and worthwhile adventure (and really cute boys have cute friends for my friends as my roommate states... she's in this because it will benefit her in the long run) I'm nervous about the way other people will react. I come at it like I think it's silly, that it's just a game I'm playing... and it is, but really... I'm hopeful. It's one more way that I am putting positive energy out to the universe.

My boss has told me that I am being ridiculous, that 25 is too young for internet dating, my BF is worried that I'm going to stop trying to meet people in real life and I'm freaking out that the GV hipsters think I'm a loser.

All that may be true but I do have a date for lunch tomorrow.

How not to be completely creeped out when meeting douche bags

So you meet someone... somewhere... he seems normal... and uh, yeah, not so much.

My first day on Match.com has proven to be fun and surprisingly (OK maybe not so surprisingly) addictive. I've been viewing and interacting with pretty much normal, interesting, grown up type people... that is until I had the following conversation over match.com IM:

Man: I live in the east village
Me: Oh, that's nice. I live in Williamsburg
Man: Yeah I have a great roof deck, and a kiddie pool
Me: That's fun
Man: Yeah, you wouldn't even need a bikini
Me: Um... that sounds like an activity for warmer weather
Man: OK you can wear clothes, a trench coat and heels and that's all

Granted this is a man who opened his conversation with "So when was the last time you made out with a girl" what else should I have expected?

I mean, finding a creepy guy or two online makes sense to me, but should I be more wary? I've been having some perfectly pleasant email conversations with people via the ever so interesting dating website so hopefully now that I have experienced the creepy man first hand I'll know what to look for from now on.

Oh good times. On a real people dating note a certain gentleman I've had my eye on is coming to my job tomorrow... I'm excited... getting to know people in person. What a concept. Maybe I wont be such a wimp and I'll ask him out, I mean it's only been 3 months... hah... how lame am I?

How to keep positive

When you're recovering from a broken heart, when you're looking for the one, or when you're just looking for someone to spend time with, you want every first date to be perfect.

Dating is fun, but it's hard, it's exhausting, and sometimes you need help.

So where do you look? To your friends and family? To CL? To match.com?

Yes to all of the above.

I went on my first date off of craigstlist over the weekend and 1. my head did not end up in a freezer on the Lower East Side and 2. It wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Now my date did not look like his photo... the photo was terrible enough to begin with so I figured how could it be worse... it was, but he bought me a drink and we had an hour of decent conversation, he really liked to tell me the intimate details of all his prior relationships, almost as if to prove to me that he was capable of getting laid on a regular basis... that was odd, but well what can you do? We parted ways and that's that. We won't be going out again.

I'm still looking through the CL personals but it's just a little too hit or miss, the creepy foot fetish party-going suga daddies are just too overwhelming for me to navigate though.

My father, after terrific success has recommended that I join match.com, I was hesitant about shelling out $125 to find the one, I mean there are 8 million people in NY on any given day, but what the heck, here's to a six month experiment, they've challenged me to find the love of my life. Whatever, I'm tired, and I need help, thanks dad.

I've found that the most important thing is to keep positive, to be proactive yes, but to also let it come to you. Tell the universe that you are looking, ask for help and see what happens. Don't be afraid, don't think you are "too good" for internet dating or "above" being set up on a blind date by your friends... It all takes time, stay positive and keep patient. Here's to finding love in six months, match.com guarantees is :)

How to meet people without ending up with your head in a freezer

I'm going out tonight on my first date with someone off of Craigslist.

Yikes... craigslist.

My girlfriends and I started perusing the CL personals as a joke, because seriously they are HILARIOUS... I'm not kidding if you have a good 10 minutes to kill and need a good laugh it is a gold mine of hilarity.

However, while perusing said list, some of them kinda seemed... well... normal, or interesting, or a way to meet people out of my teeny tiny circle of NYers.

So why the hell not right? How else am I going to meet the investment banker of my dreams. It can't be any crazier than meeting someone at a bar, or on the subway or in a park, or even at work, I mean how well do you REALLY know your co-workers.

Besides working off CL is like working undercover, you have to look for clues in their ads, try to mimic their voice when you write back and choose a photo that looks good but will still leave them pleasantly surprised when they meet you in person. GAMES GAMES GAMES.

Now granted we would all LOVE to just meet the one, organically, meet someone and know. Yeah well I meet someone, and I knew and now I'm looking for new people on CL. I don't see it as an act of desperation, and it's not an inability to meet men that has led me down this path but rather a choice to be proactive. Anyway let's see how this all goes.

How to get to the second date

I've been on too many first dates... And I think I need to layout a few requirements for the man who will ultimately be in my life, just so I have a clearer idea about what I should be looking for... I settle too often, and I fall in love with people despite shortcomings, despite not getting what I want so here goes:

1. They should think that you are absolutely amazing
ok so maybe this will take a second or third date to figure out but really... if they're not into you, why should you be into them?

2. You should be able to be yourself around them
see above. they should like you for you. if they're a vegetarian and you like steak... eat your steak, don't drink beer when you like whiskey and never change who you are because you want to fit some mold that you think they want you to fit into. I've lost myself once because I was in love with someone I wanted to be perfect for, I'm never losing myself again.

3. They should make you laugh

4. You should be attracted to them.
And I say that specifically as opposed to "they should be attractive" because attraction is different for everyone... perhaps a better phrase should be, there should be chemistry.

I think as a starting point, these are good things to be looking for...


And now armed with this information I am off to the races.

How the heck do you find someone in NYC?

I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not saying this because I am self-absorbed or vain... in fact, more often than that I am ridiculously insecure. But let's start off with a bit about me.

I am 5'6, I'm slim, I have been told that I have fantastic breasts.

I went to college, I can hold a conversation, I'm funny, not bad to look at, I have a job and friends and a life.

So why don't I have a boyfriend? Why am I going on first date after first date and unable to be interested in ANYONE...

I'm not the only one FRUSTRATED WITH DATING IN NY. My friends are just as funny, wonderful, talented, and passionate as I am and they are tired too.

Perhaps it is because I am the girl perpetually in a relationship, and now after close to a year of singledom I still don't yet know the game, but it seems IMPOSSIBLE to meet anyone. But that's crazy, people meet people all the time, people fall in love, people find the one.

I dont know where my the one is, I thought I had found it and well... well that went so terribly askew I cannot bring myself to discuss it. But I have decided to chronicle this process... trying to find someone in New York merits a blog.