How to realize that you're not actually dating

So it's been about 4 months since I've been on a date.

That is not to say I haven't been involved with anyone, that I haven't fallen for someone, or I haven't been seeing people for all that time.

But the above are all due to circumstance, aka, I was "hanging out" with people, friends of friends etc. This is all fine and dandy, but what happens when hanging out turns into something, well more, but not enough to be considered dating? It's quite the conundrum.

And on top of that, I have turned down potential dates because of said situations. Not that it's not a good time, but what do you do when the line is so blurred that you really do have no clue what is actually going on between you and someone else?

I don't really know, it's awkward to have a "what are we doing here talk" because it makes you seem like you are having a "where is this relationship going talk" when you are not actually in a relationship and that's insane, but sometimes you just need to know where you stand, but that doesn't mean that you think you are in, or even want, a relationship.

But sometimes you either have to have that fantastically awkward conversation, or you have to actually find someone who wants to take you out on a date and then go with them, and know you are "dating" right from the start. And also not cancel on every man that you say yes to at the last minute because you are hung up on someone you are not actually dating.

The issue for me really is that yes, you want things to happen organically, but when things evolve in that way, you need to have the cojones to talk to people honestly, tell them how you feel, and ask them whats going on. Otherwise you're stuck in a sea of unknowingness.

So where the heck am I now? Stuck in a sea of unknowingness. That's right, I have absolutely no cojones, but I think that I need to grow a pair... or at least borrow them from a friend... or start going on dates again.

Or I can see where this Che Sara, Sara attitude is taking me... I know myself too well... whatever will be, will be...