How to realize when you need to slow down, take a deep breath, and figure out what you want

You know you have too much drama happening in your dating life when your good male friend turns to you and says "Seriously, you need to write all of this down" and you already have a blog about dating available for him to read.

There has been a lot going on since the last bitter and scorned posting of February yore. Almost too much to list here but we'll go with the readers digest version.

Most humorously, I got a delightful text message from a gentleman who had called the day before to ask me out, which went on for far longer then any text message should, letting me know that although I was amazing and he cannot stop thinking about me, it was impossible, and would never work because he's in a relationship, which he should have told me but he was so blown away by our encounter, but in another time, another place, yada yada yada. Anyway...

I've also learned that when sleeping with someone you know from frequenting their place of business it is possible to gauge how into you they are by how often they charge you for their services. (At work man, at work... not THOSE services).

And I have learned that sometimes, the heart wants what it wants. And to be ok with that, but to be ok also if it doesn't always turn out the way that you want it to.

There's been a lot of learning happening the past few months, and not a lot of meeting. This has been some time of moving in circles, going backwards in order to move forwards. Seeing someone again after an absence can remind you of why you wanted them in the first place, even if hoping for something to come from it is foolhardy. Not everyone is in the same place you are, we all have our demons to work through and we have to be patient and honest with each other.

Most importantly I'm learning sometimes you need to step back, stop looking so hard and figure out what YOU want. It's so easy to get caught up in other people's expectations that you forget to ask yourself, what the heck do I actually want here? I think that wanting a boyfriend because dating is exasperating is a poor reason for wanting a boyfriend. I think dating for the sake of dating is stupid, I think sleeping with people you are not interested in just so that you can say you are sleeping with someone is a waste of time and energy, especially when you are not into it and it's not very good. And I think pretending like you have forgotten someone you don't want to forget just so it hurts less is counter productive.

So why, why, why, why, why have I been doing all of the above for the past three months? It's pretty silly, really, I want to have some fun, meet some cool people, and if I meet someone great and we connect and something starts, then great. But something that is supposed to be fun is turning into a whole lot of work, it's like a secret spy mission, always on the alert, on the prowl, and I'm not that kinda girl.

Now it's spring, a reawakening of the earth, the hipsters are out in full force in their namesake regalia here in Williamsburg, and it's time for a little fun. To hell with the rest. Che Sara, Sara.